Girl in the Shadows Read online

  can only imagine what it was like for you to be living

  under those circumstances and traveling about with

  someone like that."

  "Nothing ugly happened!" I cried, and then I

  really did begin to cry. "He taught me magic tricks

  and I helped him with his act. He was my only close

  relative. He loved me and he was alone. too. I had

  nowhere else to go!"

  As inscrutable as Tyler tried to be with me, his

  face couldn't help but soften with some compassion. "Look. I admit I don't know your whole story.

  All I know is what I've been told by Mrs. Westington

  and what Echo described to me earlier. I'm sorry if

  Fin jumping to too many conclusions, but you're

  guilty of the same sort of impulsive judgments," he

  said, nodding at the rock.

  I flicked the tears off my cheeks. Then I took a

  deep breath. This was a big mess. I wasn't here a week

  and already there was great turmoil. Does it just

  follow me wherever I go? Will it always?

  "Well, what do we do now?" I asked him. "Declare a truce," he said. "You want me to

  row us back?"

  "No, I can do it," I said, grabbing the oars

  before he could. He shrugged and then leaned back. "I don't mind being spoiled." "Very funny." He looked at me with somewhat more trusting

  eves. "Did you complete the evaluation exams?" "Yes."

  "I'll pick them up and go over them tonight. I

  don't give the equivalency exam, you know. You have

  to schedule that at the public school. I'll help you

  arrange for it when I think you're ready, if you're ever

  ready."

  "I'll be ready."

  "So, if you don't mind telling me, why didn't

  you remain living with your sister? Even though she's

  off on tournaments, you could have stayed with her.

  She would be considered your legal guardian. I'm

  sure, and at least you could have remained in school

  and had something of a normal life."

  I continued to row,

  "Why did you run away to live with your

  uncle?"

  I hesitated to say anything. I continued to row,

  with him staring at me.

  "You don't have to tell me anything." he added

  in a tone of voice that meant precisely the opposite. "I couldn't get along with her roommate!" I

  exclaimed.

  "Oh? Why not?"

  "She was too demanding."

  "Demanding? In what way?"

  "In a sexual way, if you have to know." I said.

  "And my sister was upset about it. I knew that

  somehow it would end up being my fault."

  "What do you mean exactly? What did she do?"

  he asked, his face full of interest and curiosity now. "I don't want to go into detail, Tyler. She

  wanted to have sexual relations with me."

  "Really? Did she just ask or what?"

  "No, she did more than just ask. I said I don't

  like talking about it. It was very, very disturbing at the

  time and it's painful to think about it now."

  He nodded. thinking. 'Why would your sister be

  angry at you for something like that? You would think

  she..." He thought again and then he nodded softly.

  "Oh," he said. "You mean your sister and this other

  woman were

  "Yes."

  "Man. you did have a screwed up family. A

  lesbian sister, an uncle in love with a doll, and who

  knows what else."

  "My family wasn't screwed up! Not everyone

  marches to the same drummer. I'd think you'd

  understand that, being you're so intelligent." He shrugged. "What about you? Are you a

  lesbian?" he asked with as much emotion a doctor

  might show when he asked if I had an ache in my tar.

  "Is that why your sister's lover made a pass at you?" "I don't think so," I said, "Just because one

  person in your family is gay, it doesn't mean you have

  to be."

  "So why do you say you don't think so? Don't

  you know for sure? Are you attracted more to girls

  than boys?"

  "I'd rather not talk about all that."

  "Well, have you had boyfriends?" he pursued. "It's not really any of your business," I said. He didn't look angry about my reaction. He just looked pensive, again like some doctor reviewing symptoms. I rowed on, biting down on my lower lip and sucking back my tears. Talking about it only brought back my painful separation from Brenda and

  the only family I knew,

  "How did your parents die? An accident?" "No, my father had an inoperable brain tumor

  and my mother fell into a deep depression and

  overdosed on sleeping pills."

  "Wow. I guess Mrs. Westington was right. You

  have been dragged over the coals."

  "I'm not looking for any sympathy," I said. I

  wanted to add "especially from you," but I held that

  back.

  "That's good. Old Chinese proverb say 'He who

  feels sorry for himself can demand an apology from

  no one.' "

  "What's that mean?" I asked. grimacing. He shrugged. "I'm not sure. I got it in a fortune

  cookie." He held his expression for a moment and

  then he burst out laughing, The expression of surprise

  on my face made him laugh harder.

  Finally. I started to laugh myself. I was

  laughing through tears and it was like sunshine on a

  rainy day.

  "Do me a favor,' he said when we docked the

  rowboat. "What?"

  "Show me that doll. I'm curious about it and

  how Echo described it."

  I looked at him suspiciously.

  "I just want to see how a doll could upset her so

  much and understand how you and your uncle used it

  in the show. If makes you uncomfortable to do it. I

  understand."

  "No, it's all right," I said. "I shouldn't have left

  Destiny like that anyway."

  "Destiny? The doll has a name?"

  "Yes. That was her real name."

  "Real name? I don't get it."

  "She was a real person. I'll show you pictures

  of her in the motor home."

  "So a doll was made of a real person. Why?" "You'll understand when you see it and the

  other things," I said.

  "Everything all right?" Trevor called to us from

  the small vineyard as we walked toward the motor

  home. I knew he was really calling only to me. "Yes, thank you. Trevor," I shouted back. Tyler waved to him but said nothing, and

  Trevor didn't wave back. He barely nodded. "As Mrs. Westington would say, the jury's still

  out as far as his opinion of me," he said as we

  continued. "That's all right. It's good that he's so

  protective of them." He glanced at me. "Looks like

  he's getting to be just as protective of you."

  "Believe me, I don't mind." I said. "I haven't

  had anyone protective of me for a long, long time." "I guess not," he said, and then paused when we

  reached the motor home. "There's a car. too." "Yes, that was my car. Uncle Palaver hitched it

  on after I found him."

  He studied me and the way I was looking at the

  vehicle. "It's hard for you to go in there, I bet." "Yes."

  "We don't have to do it. It's really not that

  important"

  "No. I've got to do something with Destiny.

  Now is as good a time as any. C'mon," I said, and
led

  him to the door. "Have you ever been in one of these

  before?"

  "No," he replied. After we went up the steps,

  opened the door, and entered, he said. "Pretty neat." "Yes. This part can be expanded after the motor

  home is parked."

  I led him down to Uncle Palaver's bedroom. He stood gaping at the Destiny doll, I hurried to the dresser that contained her clothes and began to dress

  the doll.

  "There's a picture of them together, the real

  Destiny and my uncle." I said, nodding at the framed

  picture on the wall to his right. He looked at it and

  then back at the doll.

  It was embarrassing for me to put on her

  panties and her bra with him watching, but it was how

  Uncle Palaver had dressed her. I worked as quickly as

  I could.

  "That is one lifelike doll. Can I touch it?" he

  asked. I nodded and watched him touch Destiny's arm.

  "Feels just like real skin. And those breasts and

  nipples. Who made it, a plastic surgeon?"

  "I don't know."

  "There are even fingernails and hairs. No

  wonder the kid was so confused. Why did your uncle

  have this made?"

  "My uncle was very much in love with Destiny

  and it was so painful for him to lose her. He found

  someone who would do all this detail,"

  "Even pubic hair. You didn't need that much

  detail for the show, did you?"

  "No, but it didn't hurt that she looked this real." I turned the doll over and undid the cabinet that held the batteries. "These have to be replaced," I said,

  taking the dead ones out.

  "What can you make it do?"

  "Using the transmitter. we. I mean I. can move

  her arms and legs, hands and fingers. Her head and

  even her eyes shift. But the most important thing is

  her mouth. We, my uncle mainly, could do an exciting

  ventriloquist act with her making her mouth move.

  Her comments related to the tricks and he had tricks

  he could do that often would involve the doll holding

  something. There are other things, too, things he used

  in his act."

  "This must have been very expensive to create." "I don't know," I said, completing the dressing

  of Destiny by zipping up the skirt and buttoning the

  blouse. "He never told me how much she cost to

  make. I don't think the money mattered to him." "Well, at least now I can understand why Echo

  still believes it's a real person lying there."

  "After she saw this, she ran out. I followed her

  into the house and spent time with her, writing out an

  explanation as best I could."

  "She just told me about the doll and how she

  had discovered it. Her description made it all sound

  quite kinky and strange."

  "I'm sure it did."

  "We'll have to show it to her again and

  explain."

  "Mrs. Westington might not like it," I said.

  "She didn't want me to show it to her. I'm sure she

  wanted me to leave all that out"

  "So she doesn't know she's seen it?" "I didn't tell her when I should have," I

  confessed.

  "Hmm, well, maybe that's for the best right

  now. I'll speak to her about it later. when I think it's

  okay. I'll make sure she knows you didn't mean

  anything bad.."

  "Thank you," I said.

  He nodded, still unable to keep his eyes off

  Destiny. Finally, he realized it.

  "Let's go get your exam papers. I've got to be

  heading home. I'm already a good half hour late and

  my mother gets very upset."

  "What do you do for her?"

  "It's for us, our business. I oversee the

  manufacturing of our chocolate wine sauce and

  manage the retail outlet. I mean, we have enough

  help, but we like to keep control over everything. I'll

  bring some around for you to taste," he offered. "I'd like that."

  After I dressed Destiny. I carried her out and

  put her in Uncle Palaver's chair. Then I went back and

  closed the bedroom door.

  "What are you going to do with all this?" "I'm just waiting for our attorney to let me

  know. I imagine we'll sell the motor home quickly. I

  won't sell the car, of course. That's mine. I need to

  discuss it all with my sister. too."

  "Where is she right now?"

  "She's still in Europe. She should be calling me

  soon."

  "That's good," he said. He glanced back at

  Destiny and shook his head. "Man. . .that does look

  real. Even the teeth look like real teeth."

  "Yes," I said. "I admit she does look alive." I

  still had trouble calling Destiny "it."

  We left the motor home and returned to the

  house. Trevor had finished his harvesting in the

  vineyard for the day and was not around,

  "For now," Tyler said before we entered the

  house. "I wouldn't say anything to Echo about what

  you've learned and all concerning the rock, et cetera." "I won't. She'll be too embarrassed. But what

  are you going to do about it, about her crush on you?" "As I said, hopefully convince Mrs. Westington

  to register her in the school soon. Once she meets

  other people, other teachers, she'll be fine. I can't tutor

  her too much longer anyway. My mother needs me

  more at the plant and store. She's not well herself and

  she has been trying to get me to stop doing this." "Oh. I'm sorry."

  "Don't mention it to Mrs. Westington yet. I

  don't want to upset or frighten her about it."

  "I won't." I told him.

  We went inside and he retrieved my exam

  papers, glancing quickly at them.

  "Urn, not so bad. We'll see. I'll be back

  tomorrow, same time," he said.

  "Thank you. I'm sorry about before,' I said.

  "Accusing you of things and all that."

  "No, it's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault or

  at least any of our faults. If Echo had a decent mother,

  this might have all turned out differently for her and

  for Mrs. Westington."

  "Someone once told me you have to deal with

  the hand you're given," I said.

  He smiled. "Sounds to me like an old Chinese

  proverb."

  My laughter followed him out. For a moment I

  just stood there in the foyer. Then I heard Mrs.

  Westington tap her cane. I turned and saw her peering

  at me from the doorway of the kitchen.

  "Well now, this is the latest that boy's stayed

  here. He's going to catch hell and walk the plank

  when he gets home." She smiled. "I guess you're

  getting along then."

  "We'll see. Mrs. Westington. I did the best I can

  on the tests."

  "That's all anyone can do, the best she can.

  Come on in here and let me show you the right way to

  prepare a meat loaf. One of these days, you'll be

  winning a man through his stomach," she added, and

  disappeared into the kitchen,

  Would I? I wondered. Would I ever have any

  semblance of a normal life? Any real relationships? Working beside Mrs. Westington in her kitchen

  recalled the many times I worked beside my mother.

  Just as Mama had told me about her l
ife as a child.

  Mrs. Westington told me about working in the kitchen

  beside her own mother. The affection and the love

  between her and her mother was as palpable to me as

  the affection and love I had shared with mine. I

  enjoyed hearing her stories, but when she talked about happier times with her family, she reminded me of my own and that brought tears to my eyes and a heaviness to my heart. When would nice things, happy things, stand on their own for me and not resurrect memories that only brought back pain? Would it be like this for

  me forever and ever?

  I hid my sadness from Mrs. Westington and

  together we prepared the dinner. She let me set the

  table and then I went to freshen up.

  If Echo was still upset about confronting the

  Destiny doll, she didn't show it at dinner. nor had she

  mentioned it to Mrs. Westington, Trevor Washington,

  on the other hand, looked suspicious and troubled to

  me whenever he glanced my way. When he invited

  me to look at the wine-processing equipment and

  storage facility after dinner. I quickly accepted. "Can't you think of a better way to waste her

  time?" Mrs. Westington quipped.

  "No. Ma'am." he said, and winked at me. Echo wanted to go along as well. With an

  impish smile on his face. Trevor invited Mrs.

  Westington to join us.

  "Might jolt your memory a bit. Mrs.

  Westington," he added.

  "If I ever want my memory jolted. I'll put my hand in an electric socket," she told him, and he

  laughed.

  Although she complained about it. I could see

  her look of satisfaction when Echo and I followed

  Trevor out to the plant.

  "As I told you. Echo knows a lot more about

  the wine-making process than Mrs. Westington

  thinks," Trevor told me. "She's too full of curiosity to

  be ignored,"

  The building the plant was housed in was

  immaculate. I could see how proud of it Trevor was. "After we separate the stems from the grape

  berries." he began. "the skins are broken to free the

  juice. The mixture of juice, skins, seeds, and pulp is

  called must."

  We followed him about as he explained. Every

  once in a while. I glanced at Echo and saw she was

  doing an odd thing. She was signing to herself,

  thinking aloud, and what she was doing was repeating

  what Trevor was telling me, but repeating it from

  memory.

  Tyler's right about her. I thought. She is very

  bright and she's not being permitted to develop as she

  should. She's like a bird kept in too small a cage to