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  Since the bon voyage party was to be held in the ship's ballroom, Momma demanded that Daddy assign a different, larger vessel to the Caribbean cruise. He didn't want to do that because it would cut down on the profit since the ship was far too big for the anticipated number of passengers and required a much bigger crew. But she was insistent.

  "You must learn to do things in a splashy way, Cleave," she told him. "The impression you make on the public is what matters now, not worrying about the profit and loss columns. We have the press coming and you showed me the passenger list--some of the finest families will be on this inaugural trip. It's worth the added expense."

  In the end Daddy gave in to her demands and assigned The Milan, his second biggest luxury liner. Momma went down to the ship every day before the bon voyage party to oversee the decorations for the ballroom and to check on the entertainment, the menu, and the guest list. Many dignitaries from Boston were being invited, even though they weren't taking the cruise. Then Momma came up with a very exciting idea.

  There was a new musical being tried out in Boston for its eventual opening in New York, and it had already gotten rave reviews, The Pajama Game. We had gone to opening night. Momma talked Daddy into spending even more money to hire members of the cast to come to the bon voyage party and sing some of the highlights like "Steam Heat." That brought us a lot more newspaper and magazine attention.

  I went along with her to the printers to put in the order for the invitations she had designed herself. The front of them had a picture of a couple dressed in evening clothes standing on the deck and looking out over an inky blue ocean with a sky full of stars. You could just feel the warmth and the romance. The inside of the cover had copy from a recent magazine advertisement.

  TOMORROW . . . 1500 MILES AT SEA . .

  Each day of a VanVoreen cruise is an open invitation. The luxury of breakfast in bed . . . games or just loafing on the broad decks . . shopping, dancing, and fun . . time to refresh . . . and plan for a busy schedule after arrival

  Whether this is your second honeymoon or your first, what better tonic than the enveloping peace of sea, sky, and ship--the infinite resources of VanVoreen food and service. . . BON VOYAGE!

  And then on the inside page read the invitation:

  THE PLEASURE OF YOUR COMPANY IS REQUESTED FOR THE BON VOYAGE BALL INAUGURATING THE NEW CARIBBEAN CRUISE ON THE VANVOREEN LINES.

  THE JILLIAN.

  8 P.M.

  BLACK TIE.

  It was going to be very exciting. Momma bought a strapless black Christian Dior original that had a charcoal gray-colored velvet fur strip

  diagonally across the bodice and a billowing skirt. She wore her Tiffany necklace with the oval diamonds and matching oval diamond earrings and oval diamond bracelet. She spent all afternoon preparing herself, twice rejecting and changing the hair style her personal hairdresser created. She finally brought out magazines that had run features on members of the royal family in England and chose a style worn by one of the beautiful women, a real English duchess. Her hair was swept back off her forehead and down with the strands brushed behind her ear so her beautiful earrings would show.

  When she finally stepped out of her suite to attend the ball, I thought she looked stunning. It was as if she were about to be crowned queen herself and I was to be one of her ladies in waiting.

  I couldn't help but feel self-conscious in the dress she had picked out for me. It, too, was strapless, but I didn't feel as secure, even with the formfitting bra. I thought my shoulders were too bony, my collarbone was too prominent and my breasts looked obviously artificial to my critical eyes, even silly. The dress was a deep, dark blue with a billowing skirt, under which I wore layers of crinoline. Momma had asked me to wear the necklace Tony had given me and then loaned me small gold button earrings that went with the necklace very well. I put on the gold bracelet she and Daddy had given me last year. I had my hair combed and brushed into a long page boy.

  Daddy, dressed in his tuxedo, was pacing back and forth below as usual. When we started down the stairs together, he stopped and gazed up with a smile of awe. "Magnificent, magnificent," he cried. "You look more beautiful than ever, Jillian.

  "And you, Leigh, tonight you are the princess for sure." He kissed me quickly on the cheek and went to kiss Momma too, but she said he would spoil her makeup.

  "Right, right. Anyway, we're quite late."

  Tonight, at Momma's insistence, we had a limousine waiting to take us to the ship. All our suitcases had been taken during the day and placed in our suites on board. It couldn't have been a more perfect night for a shipboard party. The sky was covered with stars and there were only wisps of clouds passing over them. Even the breeze down at the dock was unusually warm.

  As soon as we arrived, we took our places at the ballroom's great entryway to greet everyone. Beside being one of Daddy's bigger ships, The Milan was one of the most luxurious. The corridor leading to the ballroom was paneled in the finest wood, highly polished and inlaid with marble. Enormous mirrors in gilded frames lined the walls and there were pieces of antique French furniture--cushioned chairs, settees and dark pine tables--along the way. Anyone entering surely felt that he or she were entering a palace.

  The ballroom itself was an enormous room with burgundy velvet wall hangings draped from the high ceiling, and there was silver- and gold-colored molding everywhere.

  The room was lit by a dozen or so great chandeliers with fake candlesticks topped by flameshaped bulbs. On the far right was a bar that extended nearly halfway across the room. A dozen or so bartenders dressed in starched white shirts and black bow ties with shiny black pants were getting the guests in the Caribbean mood with margaritas and pina coladas.

  Food was provided buffet-style on tables organized by courses: salad tables, soup tables, tables with duck, prime rib, chicken and fish. An entire section was devoted to desserts like flaming raked Alaska, all sorts of cream and fruit pies, cakes and petits fours, and ice cream. Waiters and waitresses in Caribbean garb, the women wearing colorful headpieces, served hot hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne.

  On the stage was a sixteen-piece swing dance band with a female singer. They began playing as soon as we took our places and the guests began to arrive. Some guests moved right to the tiled floor in front of the stage and began to dance. There was an immediate air of festivity around us. Never had I seen so many fancy-dressed people, even on our other voyages and bon voyage parties. The women dressed in an array of styles, each trying to look more lovely and more fashionable than the others. Many wore embroidered ball gowns and were bedecked in diamonds and gold, some wearing diamond tiaras, but I didn't think anyone was as pretty as Momma.

  Tony Tatterton was one of the last to arrive. He looked so tall and handsome in his elegant tuxedo. He came toward us quickly, a small and amused smile on his sensual lips and his cerulean blue eyes sparkling.

  "Miss Leigh VanVoreen," he said taking my hand and kissing it. I blushed and turned quickly to Momma. She had the beginnings of that excited-littlegirl look on her face again, a look that immediately woke up the butterflies in my stomach.

  "Cleave, I would like to introduce you to Townsend Anthony Tatterton, whom you've heard me speak of so much," she said. Daddy scrutinized Tony quickly and then smiled as warmly as he had smiled at everyone else.

  "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Tatterton. Thank you for giving my wife employment she enjoys."

  "Oh, it is I who should thank you, sir, for permitting her to demonstrate her talent on the walls of my home."

  Daddy nodded, his lips tight, his eyes small. I wasn't sure whether he was going to laugh or cry. Momma broke the scary silence by suggesting Tony get himself an exotic Caribbean drink and indulge in the hors d'oeuvres. He turned as if noticing the party for the first time.

  "Looks like quite an affair," he said. "Thank you for inviting me. Leigh," he added turning my way, "perhaps you will do me the honor of dancing with me later."

  I was speechl
ess. Why me with all these incredibly beautiful, sophisticated women about? I couldn't go out there and dance with him in front of all these people. I wasn't that good. Oh, the very thought of doing it terrified me. He must have seen the fear in my face, for he smiled even more widely and then nodded at Momma and Daddy before heading toward the bar.

  "Well," Daddy said immediately, "I think most of our guests have arrived. I have to meet with the ship's captain for a while to discuss the itinerary and other matters."

  "Now, Cleave?" Momma asked with irritation in her voice.

  "I'm afraid so. You can hold things down here for a while, Jillian. Leigh, would you like to come along? You should learn about the business. Someday, all this will be yours. If it lasts," he added.

  "Now don't go taking her down to the engine room," Momma ordered, "like you did last time. She doesn't have to know how things work."

  "Of course she does. She should know things inside out, and besides," Daddy said, "she seems to have a proclivity toward mechanical things. I bet she could take apart an engine and put it back together in no time now, couldn't you, Leigh?"

  "Hardly an accomplishment for a young lady to brag about," Momma snapped. "I wish you would treat her more like what she is and not like some tomboy. Really, Cleave." There was an extra edge of annoyance in Momma's voice, as though she had, forgotten even about the fancy party going on all around us. I held my breath for fear they were going to get into an argument about it right then and there.

  "We're not going down to the engine room, Momma. I'm not dressed for that."

  "I'm glad you have that much sense at least, which is far more than your father has," she said, glaring at Daddy.

  "Well, let's get started then, so we can come right back," he said to me, and we went off to the bridge of the ship, leaving Momma fuming, I knew.

  I had met the captain of The Jillian before, Captain Thomas Willshaw, an ex--British Navy officer, and I liked him very much because he always looked and spoke to me when Daddy and I were with him, and he seemed to enjoy explaining things to me. While Daddy and he discussed the journey, the navigator took out the nautical maps and traced our route for me.

  "I'm happy that you're not bored with all this, Leigh,"

  Daddy said. "There is no reason why you won't be able to run a big business when you are out of school."

  I nodded, but I thought how different Daddy and Momma really are and how differently they see things, especially things for me.

  When we stepped out on the deck again on our way back to the ballroom, Daddy took my hand and we looked out over the great ship.

  "You see, Leigh, a man has to have a deeper reason for working, for striving and building all this. His ego is not enough. He has to believe he is building it all for a more substantial reason. I'm building it all for you. I should say battling it all for you, since the entire luxury liner industry is in turmoil right now.

  "I know I work too hard and don't get to spend enough time with you, but do you understand what I mean, Leigh?" he asked, his face as tight and as serious as I had ever seen it.

  "Yes, Daddy."

  "I mean I don't mean to pull you away from all the things girls love. Your mother thinks I'm always trying to make you into a son instead of a daughter, but I just want you to be capable of owning all this and overseeing it. I wouldn't want it placed in the hands of some trusteeship just because hadn't given you adequate preparation."

  "Daddy, I'm so proud that you think I'm smart enough and that you think one day I will be capable of helping you here. It means more to me than all the parties and dance dresses in the world."

  His face relaxed and broke into a smile. "Good," he said. He kissed me twice and pulled me to him and for the first time in days I realized suddenly that I felt warm and safe.

  "Well, my little princess, we'd better get back to the party or your mother will have me strung up on the yardarm."

  When we returned, the party was in full swing. The dance floor was crowded, and everyone was indulging in the fine foods.

  Daddy got right into conversations with people and I wandered about looking for Momma, but I couldn't find her. I looked for Tony, too, but couldn't find him either. I decided to have something to eat. A little while later, I spotted Momma and Tony entering the ballroom. Tony went off to speak to some people and Momma joined me at my table.

  "I was showing Tony the ship," she explained, with a giggle. "Well, I'm glad there's no grease on your elbows this time."

  "Daddy just wants me to understand things."

  "You pay people to understand things for you. That's the point in being the owner," she replied. She kept gazing Tony's way, clearly waiting for him to turn toward her. It wasn't like her not to circulate among all the guests, I thought. Usually, for all her complaining, she enjoyed being the owner's wife and helping to decide who would be invited to the captain's table later on in the voyage. Momma saw the way I was staring at her.

  "Why are you gorging on all this food?" she asked me. "It's never too early to start worrying about your figure."

  "I'm not gorging, Momma. I haven't eaten very much all day and I just look . . ."

  Suddenly, her face got funny and cold and her eyes got small. "How do I really look tonight, Leigh? Do I look prettier than any woman here? Have you seen anyone who looks younger or more beautiful?" She seemed almost in a frenzy. Then her voice changed. "You can tell me the truth," she purred. But her eyes were still hard, like ice chips. She gripped my arm hurtingly.

  "Momma," I began, but she didn't hear me.

  "Just look at some of these women," she said, nodding toward the party crowd. "Some have become so fat, they've lost all their femininity. No wonder their husbands hover about me like panting dogs." Her face softened back to the mother I was used to. She looked back at Tony and he turned her way. Even across the vast room, they seemed to be able to communicate, for she turned back to me to say she would see me later and hurried off to join him.

  I watched them for a while. Daddy brought over some people to introduce to me and then I stayed with him until he went back to talk to the head chef. I was standing by myself feeling a little lost when suddenly, someone tapped me on the shoulder and I turned to look into Tony's blue eyes.

  "Time for our dance," he said and held out his arms.

  "Oh, but I'm not good at ballroom dancing," I pleaded, even as he took me in his powerful arms and swept me onto the floor.

  "Nonsense. Just follow my lead."

  I caught a glimpse of Momma off to the side, standing with some people and smiling, but I felt so nervous and stiff, I was sure I looked silly out on the dance floor.

  "I'm happy you decided to wear my gift tonight," Tony said. "It looks so pretty on you."

  "Thank you." My heart was pounding. i was sure everyone was looking at me and laughing because I looked so awkward in his arms. He was so tall and graceful and sure and I moved like a girl who had been crippled all her life. It was hard to relax on a dance floor with all these elegantly dressed adults around me. This was nothing like a school dance.

  "This is a wonderful party," he said. "I can't imagine what it must have been like for you growing up in all this."

  "It's a very hard business," I replied, thinking of my daddy. "Especially these days."

  "Oh, I see." He smiled as if he had to humor me. "You're thinking of becoming a businesswoman then?"

  "There's no reason why a woman can't." I knew I was being rude, but for some reason I couldn't stop myself.

  "No, none at all." His eyes brightened and he laughed. I was glad when the music ended and he bowed and thanked me. He disappeared in the crowd and left me standing there, feeling even more selfconscious. I retreated to a corner of the ballroom. A little while later the cast of The Pajama Game performed. They were as wonderful as they had been on the stage. After the show, many people began to leave. By the time the horn was sounded for the visitors to depart, many already had. The ship's staff began to clear away some tables. I
joined Daddy, who was speaking with the captain and the first officer, just as the band announced its final number, which was to be a waltz.

  Suddenly, I saw Daddy's eyes grow small and his lips tighten so that a whiteness formed under them. When I turned about, I saw what had caught his attention. Momma and Tony were practically the only couple left dancing and they were dancing so gracefully and so closely, all the remaining guests and visitors had their eyes on them.

  I couldn't help but feel sorry for Daddy because Momma and Tony did look so beautiful together, moving as if they had been dancing together for years and years. Momma seemed to bloom in Tony's arms. Never had she looked more radiant, and tonight she looked so young. I hadn't realized until this moment how young she looked in contrast to Daddy. The years between them had never seemed so vast as they suddenly did.

  Daddy appeared to sense that too, for he looked tired, resigned, defeated, as if he had just aged an additional ten years. Oh, there, was such sadness in my daddy's handsome face. He saw the way I was gazing at him and he forced a smile. Then he leaned over to me and shook his head.

  "Somehow or another, your mother is always the life of the party, isn't she, Leigh?"

  I nodded. He didn't sound angry; he sounded melancholy. I was relieved when the music finally ended and Momma and Tony stopped dancing. Tony followed Momma back to our table to say good night.

  "It was a wonderful party," he said. "Best of luck on your maiden voyage."

  "Thank you," Daddy replied, his voice sounding neither bitter nor pleasant. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."

  "Leigh," Tony said turning to me, "don't get too sunburned. Good night." He turned to Momma. "Jillian," he said nodding.

  "I'll walk you to the gate," she offered and followed him out.

  Daddy watched them with cold eyes.