The Unwelcomed Child Read online

  He shrugged. “Anything to help the cause,” he said.

  “Speaking of the cause, I need a dip,” Claudine said. She started to undress. “I wouldn’t do this if you weren’t an artist,” she told me.

  Mason and I watched her walk into the water.

  “It’s wonderful,” she cried after fully submerging herself. “Come on in.”

  Mason looked at me. “You don’t have to do it,” he said. “She’s just being Claudine.”

  “Since when are you so modest, Mason?” she asked.

  “We have a guest,” he said. “But I’ll go down to my briefs.” He rose and took off his shirt and pants. Then he ran into the water, dived, and came up beside her. “It’s terrific.”

  “C’mon in,” Claudine urged.

  “I can’t,” I said.

  “Mason will cover his eyes.”

  “That’s not it,” I said. “I can’t swim.”

  They were both quiet.

  “Of course she can’t,” he said. “She’s never been in the lake.”

  “She could have gone into someone’s pool.”

  “No,” I said. “Never.”

  “Well, it’s shallow here. You can stand and get cool,” Claudine said. “We’ll give you swimming lessons. I’m sure Mason will be glad to do it.”

  “You should know how to swim. It’s important,” he said.

  “What about towels?” I called to them.

  “We’ll dry in the sun,” Claudine said. “You don’t have to strip all the way.”

  I thought for a moment. My heart was pounding so fast and hard I wasn’t sure I could stand, but the excitement was wonderful. I undid the buttons of my dress and slipped out of it and was in my bra and panties. To keep my hair from getting totally wet, I retied the ribbon, bringing it up more tightly. I paused. Was I really going to do this?

  “What is that around your neck?” Claudine shouted. I had forgotten about my birthday present.

  “Just a cross,” I said.

  “A cross? That looks like part of a building. It’ll weigh you down and drown you for sure.”

  “Shut up,” Mason said. “C’mon,” he called, and beckoned.

  I walked slowly into the water. They both stared with the same expression on their faces. I didn’t know whether they were surprised, happy, or laughing beneath it all. Then Mason smiled. He looked at Claudine.

  “She’s got a body as nice as yours,” he told her.

  She said nothing. She just nodded and kept bobbing in the water. I fully submerged myself, the water coming up to my chin.

  The two of them cheered.

  Someplace in the back of my mind, I heard a voice whisper, “This is the baptism that will have the most effect on you.”

  I had never heard her voice, but I suspected that it might be my mother’s.

  7

  Mason moved closer.

  “You can get your first lesson today,” he said. “I’ll hold you up by placing my hands on your stomach and you start to kick your feet first and just move your arms like this.” He demonstrated. “Dog paddle. We’ll stay in shallow water so you won’t be afraid of drowning.”

  “Maybe that’s not what she fears,” Claudine said, moving closer, too.

  “You’re not being helpful,” he told her, and turned back to me. “Trust me,” he said. “I won’t take advantage of you.”

  Claudine moaned. “That’s what he told the last girl he taught how to swim.”

  “Shut up,” he told her. “Don’t listen to her. C’mon, Elle. Just lie forward.”

  I looked at Claudine. She was smiling and then shrugged. “We had a professional train us, but Mason is on the school swim team,” she said.

  “And?” he asked her.

  “And he broke the school’s freestyle record.”

  “Thank you,” he said. “Elle?”

  I did what he asked, and he put his hands under me.

  “Go on, lift your feet off the bottom.”

  “Go, girl!” Claudine cheered.

  I did it.

  “Start kicking.”

  As I kicked, he moved me slowly through the water. He told me to start pulling with my arms.

  “Take good breaths, too,” he said. “That’s it.”

  Not once while I went at it did I think about the fact that a nearly naked boy was holding me up. I was too determined to succeed. A few times, he let go of me, and I started to sink, but he cried out for me to kick harder and pull at the water. I stayed up for a few moments, and then he was under me again, supporting me. We did it repeatedly until my arms began to show fatigue.

  “Okay. That’s enough. Good first start,” he said. “You’ll be swimming by the end of the week if you come every day.”

  I stood up. Claudine had grown bored watching us and had swum some laps. She was walking out of the water. Because Mason was so indifferent to her nudity, I tried to be, but at the same time, I found it fascinating to see how casual she was about being naked. She had a beautiful body, for sure, so she wouldn’t be ashamed from that perspective, but Grandmother Myra had made such a thing of exposing even the most innocent parts of ourselves. Even now, in the midst of summer, she wore her collars high and tight and rarely wore short sleeves. Her skirts were down to her ankles, as she insisted mine must be, and if a button on my blouse came undone, she was the first to notice. I hated even to think of how she would react if she knew I had seen a girl and a boy about my age undressed more than once and then practically got naked myself.

  Claudine spread out on her stomach over the blanket. The sun made her skin glitter. For the first time, I wondered if I was as pretty as she was. Was this the first sign of the narcissism that Grandmother Myra predicted could trap me? Navigating in this world outside the one I had known all my life was like stepping gingerly over ice, where thin places could give way and drop me into the cold darkness.

  “Just like Claudine, you’ll dry off quickly,” Mason promised, seeing how I was staring at her.

  I sprawled out on the blanket just the way Claudine had. Moments later, he was between us but on his back. We all just lay there quietly. The sun was so warm that I could feel my panties and my body drying quickly, just as they had said. Claudine turned on her iPod and started playing music, music I had never heard.

  “I’m crazy about these guys,” she said. “Do you like them, Elle?”

  “I never heard them,” I said.

  “What? They’re the most popular group today.”

  I turned around and sat up. “I don’t have one of those things. I don’t have a radio or a CD player,” I told her. “Before you ask, I don’t have a computer, either.”

  “Why not? They’re so cheap these days.”

  “My grandmother disapproves.”

  She sat up as if she were on springs. “Are you serious?”

  “She wouldn’t be saying it if she wasn’t,” Mason said, still lying on his back with his eyes closed.

  “Isn’t that against the law or something? I’ve got to ask Daddy. The girl’s practically in solitary confinement. How’s she expect her to learn anything?”

  “Don’t exaggerate. People learned before computers,” Mason said.

  “I’m not exaggerating. It puts her at an unfair disadvantage, nevertheless, and why? Daddy would agree. Maybe he’d even contact some government agency or something and have her grandparents investigated.”

  “Don’t start trouble,” Mason told her, opening one eye. He looked at me. “Really? No radio, CD player, or computer?”

  I shook my head.

  “I bet you’ve never heard of Beyoncé or Lady Gaga . . .” She continued to rattle off singers and singing groups. “Well?”

  “I’ve heard of some of them,” I said, “but not all of them.”

  “You do know what this is?” she asked, showing me her iPod.

  “I know about it . . . a little, but I don’t know how it works, how you get the songs in there,” I admitted.

  “Mason,
are you listening to this?” she said.

  “Relax. You’ll frighten her.”

  “Frighten her? And when the other girls see that monster cross around her neck when they’re in the locker room . . . She’ll be crucified when she attends public school. They’ll make so much fun of her for being so out of it.”

  “I am afraid of that,” I admitted.

  “We won’t let that happen,” he said.

  “Oh, and how do you intend to stop it, o great one?” Claudine said.

  “We’ll bring her up-to-date,” he said. He smiled at me. “By the time we’re finished with you, you’ll be more sophisticated than the most sophisticated girls here, which isn’t saying much about them.”

  “Well, that’s possible,” Claudine said, calming some. “At least you won’t be sent into the arena with girls and guys from a school like ours.” She thought a moment and nodded, her face suddenly looking bright with excitement. “This could be fun. You’ll be like Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady. We’ll remake you. You’ll have to spend some time alone with me,” she said. “I’ll teach you how to talk the talk, put on makeup, dress, and then walk.”

  “C’mon, she can talk, and you can’t teach her how to walk like you, if that’s your goal.”

  “Ha, says you. There’s just so much Mason knows about the female sex, and besides, whatever he knows is distorted through male eyes,” she added, glaring at him.

  “Oh, come on,” he moaned. Then he looked at me and smiled again. “Actually, she’s right. There’s no one I know better to teach you how to handle yourself. You’ll come see us every day?”

  “I’ll try,” I said. “I have to go shopping tomorrow, I know. If everything is all right, that is.”

  “Maybe afterward. We’ll always keep an eye out for you.”

  “Can’t you use a phone, or is that a form of sin or something?” Claudine asked.

  “I never have,” I confessed.

  They both just stared, and then Mason nodded. “Makes sense. She has no girlfriends, Claudine. Who is she going to call?”

  “Relatives, maybe? You know how to use a phone, right?” Claudine asked.

  “Come on,” Mason said.

  “Mason, I don’t know what to think. We’ve never met anyone like her, have we? She like landed from another planet.”

  “No, but . . .”

  “But nothing. Look, Elle, we can give you our telephone number here. It’s 555-2020. You can sneak a call to us whenever you want to talk or when you can’t escape the nunnery.”

  “Nunnery?”

  “It sounds like you’re in one. Just call, okay?”

  I nodded, but the thought of even trying to do that brought a cold chill, even in the hot sun.

  “What time is it?” I asked, and reached for my grandfather’s watch. “Oh. I have to go back soon. They’ll be back from the school and shopping.”

  Mason reached up to touch my breast before I could pull away. I would wonder later if I even wanted to. I think I was just as interested in what his touching me would do to me as he was in touching me. It was as if the tips of his fingers could send a pleasant electrical shock through my body.

  “Not quite dry,” he said. “But if you’re nervous about getting home in time, we’ll wrap it up.”

  My answer came practically in a whisper. “I’d better.”

  He rose and put on his pants and started on his shoes and socks.

  Claudine groaned. “It’s the best part of the day.”

  “You can swim and sunbathe at the dock. If she gets into trouble, she definitely won’t be able to return,” he said.

  She looked at me and nodded and then started to dress. I put on my dress, straightened it, and put on my shoes and socks, too. Then I helped fold up the blanket.

  “You didn’t get much of a chance to draw,” Mason said, nodding at my pad.

  “My grandfather’s supposed to be buying me some paints and brushes. I’ll wait for that,” I told him. I didn’t want to reveal that I still had time to do something after he had brought me back to the shore.

  “I didn’t see this drawing yet,” Claudine said suddenly. She waited while I opened the pad to show her. She looked just like he had when he viewed the doe. “It’s very good. Mason’s right. You should pursue art. My offer still stands.”

  “Offer?”

  “To pose for you, Renoir,” she said, and smiled.

  She and I got back into the boat while Mason pushed it off and then leaped in, getting his shoes wet.

  “You should have waited to put them on,” she scolded.

  “Yes, Mom.”

  “No cookies for you later,” she said as he began to row.

  “I hope you had a good time,” he said.

  “Oh, I did, and thanks for helping me learn to swim.”

  “That’s just the first lesson. We’ll need at least twenty or thirty more.”

  Claudine laughed. “Watch him. He wants to teach you everything overnight.”

  “Everything?”

  “Well, as Claudine said, we can’t let you start school with any disadvantages,” he said. “Right, Claudine?”

  “Exactement, mon père,” she said.

  “Isn’t père French for father?” I asked. I remembered that from a story.

  “Yes. Don’t mind her. We’ve been calling each other Daddy and Mommy for as long as I can remember,” he explained. “Private joke.”

  Claudine sat back in the rowboat so she could continue to sunbathe. I watched Mason row, and he smiled at me.

  “I have a feeling I’m the first to tell you,” he said, “but you’re very pretty, Elle. You should never let anyone make you ashamed of what you look like or how nice a body you have, even though the clothes you wear do nothing for it. I hope they buy you more fashionable things tomorrow. You’ll wear them well.”

  The casual way he gave me the compliments took my breath away for a moment. I looked at Claudine. She had a small smile, maybe more of a small smirk, on her face.

  “Thank you,” I said. I waited a moment and then confessed. “And yes, you are the first to tell me.”

  He smiled and said nothing more; he just gazed at me and rowed as if we were all alone. Claudine looked as if she had fallen asleep and woke with a start when we reached the dock.

  “Why don’t you get out and take our things?” he told her. “I’ll row her back to the shore.”

  “Why didn’t you do that first?”

  “I forgot,” he said.

  “Conveniently,” she said. “I hope you had a good time, Elle. Come back to see us.” She surprised me by leaning down to kiss me on the cheek. I had my eyes open the whole time and saw her close hers, and then she smiled. As soon as she was out of the boat, Mason started to turn it and row for the place on the shore where he had come for me.

  “I can’t get the boat onto the shore as I did on the little island,” he said, and he leaped out of the rowboat when we drew close. The water was shallow, but he was up to his calves and still in his shoes. “Come on,” he urged, holding out his arms. “You don’t want to get those shoes wet now.”

  “Look what you’ve done to yours.”

  “No worries. I’ll get a new pair this weekend.”

  I moved to the edge, and he put his right arm around my shoulders and his left under my legs to lift me and carry me like a baby to the shore. Even there, he held on to me. Our faces were only inches apart.

  “Mind if I kiss you good-bye?” he asked.

  Before I could answer, he brought his lips to mine and just held them softly there. I had my eyes open in surprise. He opened his and then pressed his lips more firmly to mine and moved them gently but with such authority that I felt the blood rushing to my head. When he set me down, I was just a little dizzy. He held me, smiling.

  “I’m pretty sure I never gave any girl her first kiss,” he said. “Unfortunately, innocence is as rare in my high school as ice in the Sahara Desert. The girls in my school think virginity is a dise
ase.”

  “Really?”

  I wondered if it would be the same in the public school I would attend.

  “Practically,” he said. “What time do you think you’ll be back from shopping tomorrow?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t even know if I’m going for sure. It depends on what happened today when my grandmother visited with the school principal.”

  “You could call if you want me to do anything, be anywhere. You remember the number Claudine gave you?”

  I nodded, but he could see I wasn’t eager to use the phone.

  “Okay. Forget phones. Let’s be more romantic about it.”

  “Romantic?”

  “Sure. We need a signal,” he said.

  “A signal?”

  “Yes, something like a light in a window.” He looked at the ribbon in my hair. “I have it. Tie this ribbon or any ribbon to the top of the banister on the back porch, and I’ll know you can meet here. That way, I’ll look for you. Okay?”

  “I’ll try,” I said.

  “Try hard,” he told me.

  I nodded and started away. He watched me walk deeper into the woods. I turned, and he was still there, so I smiled and waved and then hurried through the trees. I still had a good forty-five minutes and went directly to my forest studio. My purpose was to add something to my drawing of the doe, but I decided instead to sketch the lake with some sailboats on it and clouds in the sky.

  Even though I was working faster than ever, my memory of that view was so vivid that the excitement didn’t detract from what I was drawing. In fact, I loved how it was coming out. By the time I checked Grandfather Prescott’s watch, I had a very full, detailed drawing. I was happy with it, because it reflected how wonderful I had felt out there on the lake. For that short time, at least, I was absorbed by not only the beauty but also the sense of freedom I had experienced. It was as if a door had been opened and someone had whispered, “This is what’s waiting for you. Be hopeful, Elle.”

  I walked quickly back to the house. As I came out of the forest, I saw Grandmother Myra standing on the back porch. She looked as if she had been there for a while and was waiting impatiently for me. My heart began to pound. All my life, she seemed capable of knowing my every thought and anticipating my every move. I was raised without any privacy, no door on my bedroom, never permitted to close the bathroom door when I showered or bathed. Because my life had been so controlled, my every activity planned and scheduled, I rarely did anything spontaneous, and if I did, it was always followed by a cross-examination about why, where I got the idea, and what I wanted.